My father says I’ve got his genes, top to bottom. He says I’m a risk taker and a go-getter. I’d like to believe I’m an over-achiever like him, but I have miles to go before I can self-proclaim to be one! However, I like to snuggle up to the idea that I am a risk-taker.
I am- I did jump off a dam- a scouts promise!
That’s probably the biggest self-harming risk I took in my life, but today I’m not talking about that kind of risk. I’m talking about the risk, more often than never, ends up stabbing a knife in your heart- twisting and lingering till it really, really hurts- they call it LOVE! Ouch- I can still feel it.
So, I’m kind of assuming you’re feeling it too- if you’re not, then girl, you got yourself a golden goose- you can stop reading here or come back when you do feel it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a believer and dreamer in all things romantic. When my first “true” love broke up with me, I took the journey of “once bitten, twice shy”, but like New Year’s resolutions, it didn’t last very long! I’ve had my moments with a high school romance, blind dates (never again), social media flirting and the current- college boyfriend-lover- best friend a.k.a Prashant.
What’s the risk in all this? Well if you’ve ever gone on a blind date, then you’ll know the “risks” I am talking about. There a tonne load of risks you experience or take, each to his own- let’s not argue who has taken a bigger or deadlier one. My risk is- falling madly in love and making a commitment. Sounds like any other relationship right?
I’m not going to get into the reasons for why I love (dil se) him, however I will tell you why I chose to take a ‘risk’ and commit to this person- commitment- a sense of belonging, a need for the other, a want to his face, a fight that makes things stronger, a struggle to grow together and a commitment that means “I’m in it for life” – even if I get fatter and you become bald!
I often mistook commitment to a “wedding date”. That’s how our parents, peers and elders define how “committed” a boy is to you. I however, beg to differ. Of course I want to get married- I want the whole charade of a wedding! However, like most things in life- it hasn’t quite worked out like that. Instead I sit miles away, from my boy, holding onto a fine thread of hope called- committed love. That’s the risk.
The risk is not knowing what day we’ll be together- I’ve already looked at the 2014 calendar, anticipating a date! The risk is not knowing what will happen tomorrow- will he still love me or will I still love him? The risk is defying society for him- whatever it takes. The risk is being judged and questioned. “Beta, when will you get married? You want to study? Find yourself a nice boyfriend”- they say. I always smile courteously and say “not yet”.
The risk is loving someone fiercely and not knowing ….
Why I continue to take this risk and demand no wedding band, just yet? I have hope, strength and a hand holding onto me so tight that says ‘trust me’- I do. I have parents who are my BFFs. I have girlfriends who can sit around snotty tissues and empty bottles of vodka. I have brothers who are my knights.
He’s no prince-charming, he did break my heart once- the stabbing type- but I carry on to believe in the mystical power called ‘love’ and in him.
I don’t know if you’ll get a wedding invite from our bond, but you will find me say over and over – take the bloody risk- you’ll never know if you didn’t try. And if it hurts too much- a little consolation- you’ll get stronger.
Take the road less traveled- embark on an adventure with your love. An adventure that says “The decision I make is my own- this is how I choose to live life and I choose him to be my fellow traveller”.
So I say cheers to risks – I’m on an adventure not worth ending- not yet- maybe never…
To my love and best friend.