Sometimes, 370kms (and a bonus 10km courtesy of Google Maps) is all you need to rediscover yourself. A long road ahead, myriad landscapes, deeper conversations and a yearning of petrichor, that’s the mood-to-feel. Staring out the window, a sense of nostalgia and panic clouded my thoughts. Panic. I’ve been feeling it for some time, often mistaking it for confusion, comfort and regret. I know, I know they say (Pinterest quotes) don’t live life with regrets, but how could you not? I’ll leave that to judgment. Some people, like my dad, have a gift to assess the situation, and make close-to-perfect decisions (adios Murphy’s Law). I, however, am led by emotions- careless and often, selfish.
But here’s the thing, I don’t mind being selfish. Dining for one, living for one, and being at peace with oneself, is something that needed to be learnt. Prashant moved to Dubai two years ago, and since, it’s been quite a lonely journey. Don’t feel sorry for me just yet, because in all honesty, it’s the solitude that taught me so much about myself. The good, bad and ugly. Before this, I’d never seen so many TV serials, never cooked a pie-for-one, and never loved as much as I do now. Yup, the whole long distance thing, makes you thank the little things that didn’t matter before. Like him folding laundry, sitting in my balcony or holding my hand. I miss that.
During this time, I also built stronger relationships with friends who were already “there” for me. It showed me that love means so much more than just loving your “one”. And no, these peeps are not selfish souls. They’re selfless. Thank you Lekha. You’ve been stronger than strong for me.
Sitting on the Pondicherry promenade, in a slightly ecstatic mood (we’d just had a long conversation, with half our words eaten by EDM), I kind of had a mini-epiphany. I’m 29 (uhuh!), half way to becoming a bride (eeks!), have a job that allows me to talk fashion all day long, a family I love (have you seen my phone bills?), and friends I’d never exchange, not even if you gave me a rainbow-haired unicorn! So that panic, those regrets, that selfishness, it’s sometimes the negativity that makes life look so promising and positive.
And just like the smell of moist mud, after a long dry spell, there’s hope… Hope that the heavens’ will shower a good dose of blessings.